last night my ex drove up to stay over for today's court appearance.
it did not go the way either one of us expected.
we got up there at eight-forty and sat in the court room, waiting for the lawyer to show up and speak with us before the judge came in from his chambers and court was in session.
what the lawyer did call us out to speak to us, separately, i had no idea what he'd told rob, since he spoke to him first.. but when he asked to see me, he stated quite bluntly that the state was going after one-hundred and twenty-eight dollars a week, twenty-six dollars a week for back childsupport, and three-hundred and ten dollars for court costs.
i was shocked.
rob was stupified and devastated.
what the state of arkansas effectively did was take his earnings after taxes and cut them almost completely in half. all i expected and hoped to recieve was the two hundred dollars a month we had agreed on when i left him. instead, the court granted what the state went after.
my first reaction after the initial shock was.. yay.. i can breathe again. there will be money for food -and- gas for the car.. and enough left over that i'll be able to put several hundred back a month. my second reaction was.. oh god, what is this going to do to rob? .. and the most recent resulting reaction is guilt over the whole thing. if i hadn't gone to re-enroll brenna in the state medical insurance for this, arkansas would never have turned the case over to the child support enforcement office and gone after him like this.
i honestly don't know just what to think right now. i'm not counting on the money until i know whether he's actually going to be paying it or not. my mother seems to think he's going to quit his job, or find some way to get fired from it, just so that he doesn't have to pay. which would just end up with more trouble for him, seeing the state would put a warrant out for his arrest, and actively pursue it.
after a while, we started talking about options for him. he has more than a few warrants out on him already in mesquite and dallas, texas. all of these warrants are for stupid speeding tickets to no insurance/registration. all of these warrants should have been taken care of five years ago. he has a friend who offered to loan him the money to pay off his warrants entirely, on the condition that he paid him back in payments. he refused at the time for what ever reason popped into his head.. a mutual friend thought it was because he'd have to pay the loan back, and he's usually on the spot with him observations.
anyway.. the point is, with all these warrants out on him, he can't renew his expired license.. which is a valid form of i.d. needed to secure gainful employment. i suggested he talk to his friend to see if the offer was still open to pay his warrants off... so that he could get his license renewed and be able to start looking for better paying work, or a part-time second job. why would i suggest a second job? because my first husband was working three jobs at once to make ends meet, which was a responsible and adult thing to do, considering how old we were at the time. secondly, he's a single man with no girlfriend or activities that he pursues that would take time out of his day. he has the time he can commit to a second job. and if he did it smartly, he could demand one day off of his choosing so that it would coincide with his primary work off days.. thereby providing him with at least one full day off to be able to recharge.
it was an option.. and not one that he really wanted to hear. but i had to say it.
rob is a good person at heart. he is one of the kindest men i know. he just never really grew up and accepted that life gave you responsibilities as you grew older that you had to step up to the plate and deal with. i think he's finally seeing that.. what with the mass warrants and now childsupport.
i honestly hope he doens't break under this. i hope he finally starts growing up.. it's past time for it, and you can't keep a childish mindset forever if you expect to succeed in life. i didn't ask for what the court granted.. but i'm not going to turn it down, either. i've worked hard for the past four years to support the twins and give them everything they needed, and some of the things they've wanted. when i wasn't working, it was my mother doing this... but only on the condition that i continue searching for work and bettering myself by going to college. (that's the next thing on my life goals list.) well, i found work, and i've been struggling completely from month to month to provide the basic necessities for the twins.... and on top of that.. remember that i gave up custody of my elder two children so that they would be provided properly for, as well. that was the hardest decision i have ever had to make.. one that i have regretted making, constantly.. and one that i will have to live with for the rest of my life.
maybe it's time i did get a little breathing room.. where i know that if the car breaks down, i can afford to get it fixed, and not buckle financially under the burden of it. -that- gives me a peace of mind that i need.
finally.. it's eight weeks and four days now, until j gets here. yay! and while he's here in december, i'm going to get my passport. i already have plans on how to use my tax return next year.... considering i'll get four and a half to five thousand dollars back. i'm going to holland to meet his family and see where he lives. who knows what will come of that... j is hoping i like it enough to move... and maybe i will.. but that's for the future to decide.
right now, i'll just pray the child support starts regularly soon, and hold out for decmeber first to get here when i'll finally be able to hold my fiance in my arms again.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
oh.my.god.
i got home from work to find a message beeping on my home phone. i ignored it while tucking the twins into bed and relieving my bladder. i'm glad i did both of those things before i heard the message.
my ex called.
not the twins' father.. because , that would have just been a moronic speed-bump in my day.
nooooo
no, my first ex called.
he asked me if i was sitting down. we all know this means bad juju is coming.. right?
so i sat down, and he laid it out flat for me. our daughter... my oldest girl child.. was caught smoking pot at school. they didn't actually catch her in the act.. but after the act, she was feeling sick to her stomach.. and went to throw up a year's worth of breakfast in the girl's room. that's where the school nurse found her.
of course.. no matter how often you tried to get rid of the smell when you were a teenager.. pot has a pretty unique scent. it doesn't mask very well... and with the sickness and that smell, shit hit the fan.
the school something-or-other policeman was called into it.. there will be criminal proceedings in a juvinile court for possession of a controlled substance. her boyfriend.. BOYFRIEND... will likely have contributing to the delinquency of a minor in the very least tacked on to his offense.. not to mention possession of a controlled substance on school grounds.. and i'm sure several other things just to round it all off.
on top of this, her BOYFRIEND (who is seventeen years old, to her fourteen years) has been giving her lortab for mouth pain. where i can see this as a small breach of moral standing.. i can't quite forget it in light of the big shock of the century.
i had to.. absolutely had to ask her if she was having sex. i don't know whether she told me the truth or not.. but i heard what i wanted to hear, which was no.. she's still a virgin. buuuut.. if it had been me, i'd have been lying through my teeth at that point just to avoid an already explosive situation from going nuclear. i was talking with her on the phone and realized with a startling shock that... i couldn't trust a word coming out of her mouth.
for the first time in her life.. i do not trust my daughter. i now know how my parents felt when i came home drunk at the age of twelve. i never thought i'd understand why they were acting the way they were..... i guess "you reap what you sow" isn't just a catchy phrase the preacher man uses to damn you to hell for pissing in the pool.
i am shocked.. stunned.. and flabbergasted. and the only really clear thought in my head right now is... "Thank GOD SHE'S NOT PREGNANT""
my ex called.
not the twins' father.. because , that would have just been a moronic speed-bump in my day.
nooooo
no, my first ex called.
he asked me if i was sitting down. we all know this means bad juju is coming.. right?
so i sat down, and he laid it out flat for me. our daughter... my oldest girl child.. was caught smoking pot at school. they didn't actually catch her in the act.. but after the act, she was feeling sick to her stomach.. and went to throw up a year's worth of breakfast in the girl's room. that's where the school nurse found her.
of course.. no matter how often you tried to get rid of the smell when you were a teenager.. pot has a pretty unique scent. it doesn't mask very well... and with the sickness and that smell, shit hit the fan.
the school something-or-other policeman was called into it.. there will be criminal proceedings in a juvinile court for possession of a controlled substance. her boyfriend.. BOYFRIEND... will likely have contributing to the delinquency of a minor in the very least tacked on to his offense.. not to mention possession of a controlled substance on school grounds.. and i'm sure several other things just to round it all off.
on top of this, her BOYFRIEND (who is seventeen years old, to her fourteen years) has been giving her lortab for mouth pain. where i can see this as a small breach of moral standing.. i can't quite forget it in light of the big shock of the century.
i had to.. absolutely had to ask her if she was having sex. i don't know whether she told me the truth or not.. but i heard what i wanted to hear, which was no.. she's still a virgin. buuuut.. if it had been me, i'd have been lying through my teeth at that point just to avoid an already explosive situation from going nuclear. i was talking with her on the phone and realized with a startling shock that... i couldn't trust a word coming out of her mouth.
for the first time in her life.. i do not trust my daughter. i now know how my parents felt when i came home drunk at the age of twelve. i never thought i'd understand why they were acting the way they were..... i guess "you reap what you sow" isn't just a catchy phrase the preacher man uses to damn you to hell for pissing in the pool.
i am shocked.. stunned.. and flabbergasted. and the only really clear thought in my head right now is... "Thank GOD SHE'S NOT PREGNANT""
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
oh-eight twenty-one oh-seven
so much for mopping the turtleboy's room today.. i spent enough time cleaning the rest of the house, that i didn't get to his or the diva's room. but on the upside, the rest of the house is clean, and laundry is done.
i got a call from heather today, too, after i'd picked up the twins from school. she told me that she needed to find work, because the cost of the lawyer was just killing her, and what i paid her just wasn't enough to keep afloat since she doesn't watch any other kids now, either. i'm glad she told me the way she did.. she'd even found a replacement for me. we went for me to meet her at five-thirty, and let me tell you.. i love what i've seen of her place and her manner. so the twins will start being watched by her on monday. i just have to call the bus barn and let them know, and the school too, to change some contact information.
i'll have to start cooking again for them, though.. which means i'm going to have to get used to cooking big meals three times a week, or even a good meal once a day... but before i leave for work. i think i can do that. i mean, hell.. i'm going to be doing that while j is here, anyway, it'll just mean starting three-ish months before he gets here.
so that's today in a nutshell. i'm going to go nap for now, until it's time to bid j a good morning.
i got a call from heather today, too, after i'd picked up the twins from school. she told me that she needed to find work, because the cost of the lawyer was just killing her, and what i paid her just wasn't enough to keep afloat since she doesn't watch any other kids now, either. i'm glad she told me the way she did.. she'd even found a replacement for me. we went for me to meet her at five-thirty, and let me tell you.. i love what i've seen of her place and her manner. so the twins will start being watched by her on monday. i just have to call the bus barn and let them know, and the school too, to change some contact information.
i'll have to start cooking again for them, though.. which means i'm going to have to get used to cooking big meals three times a week, or even a good meal once a day... but before i leave for work. i think i can do that. i mean, hell.. i'm going to be doing that while j is here, anyway, it'll just mean starting three-ish months before he gets here.
so that's today in a nutshell. i'm going to go nap for now, until it's time to bid j a good morning.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
oh-eight fifteen oh-seven
i wrenched my back today, before i left for work. it hurt like hell, but i didn't think it was bad enough to miss work for.. so in i went.
after two hours of work, i was begging for mercy, and so i went to the minor care clinic.. who referred me on to the emergency department. i spent two and a half hours in the e.d. mostly spent waiting (but it was a short wait, comparably speaking).. they took xrays to make sure i didn't really screw my back nine ways to sunday.. and they gave me non-narcotic pain-reliever and muscle-relaxers. they helped somewhat, but not enough to keep me from going home.
the e.d. wanted me to go home immediately after they released me, but i couldn't do that to the other tech on duty. luckily, while i was gone, the paminator managed to get someone else to come in. so i stayed for another two hours, to make sure as much was done as possible before i left, thereby not leaving the other two techs in a bind.
but now i'm home.. and the diva says she'll take care of me tomorrow.. but until then, i'm going to take the narcotic drugs they prescribed for me for painrelief and muscle relaxation.. and then i'm going to see how long i can wait up to see j before he goes to work.. and then i'm going to drag my carcass off to bed where hopefully a beautifully drugged sleep will help heal my back.
after two hours of work, i was begging for mercy, and so i went to the minor care clinic.. who referred me on to the emergency department. i spent two and a half hours in the e.d. mostly spent waiting (but it was a short wait, comparably speaking).. they took xrays to make sure i didn't really screw my back nine ways to sunday.. and they gave me non-narcotic pain-reliever and muscle-relaxers. they helped somewhat, but not enough to keep me from going home.
the e.d. wanted me to go home immediately after they released me, but i couldn't do that to the other tech on duty. luckily, while i was gone, the paminator managed to get someone else to come in. so i stayed for another two hours, to make sure as much was done as possible before i left, thereby not leaving the other two techs in a bind.
but now i'm home.. and the diva says she'll take care of me tomorrow.. but until then, i'm going to take the narcotic drugs they prescribed for me for painrelief and muscle relaxation.. and then i'm going to see how long i can wait up to see j before he goes to work.. and then i'm going to drag my carcass off to bed where hopefully a beautifully drugged sleep will help heal my back.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
oh-eight thirteen oh-eight
it was a lovely weekend, spent with my family. the only downside to it was when we went swimming.
i'd just sat down at the pool, and brenna stepped into an area just deeper than she was tall. the older kids had just turned their backs and didn't see her.. so i hurried my tushie into the water to scoop her out.
i hadn't had a chance to take my phone out of my pocket yet. it's toasted.
so i'm trying to replace it.. but because i have a go-phone, i can't order a new phone online -and- keep my same number, and the huge balance i have on my account. no.. i have to go to the actual cingular store to buy a new phone, where i won't get a discount. i'm looking at a hundred and nineteen dollars to get the same pho ne that only cost me fifty the first time around.
on the upside... j got his itinerary confirmed!! he'll be arriving here on december first!!!
i'd just sat down at the pool, and brenna stepped into an area just deeper than she was tall. the older kids had just turned their backs and didn't see her.. so i hurried my tushie into the water to scoop her out.
i hadn't had a chance to take my phone out of my pocket yet. it's toasted.
so i'm trying to replace it.. but because i have a go-phone, i can't order a new phone online -and- keep my same number, and the huge balance i have on my account. no.. i have to go to the actual cingular store to buy a new phone, where i won't get a discount. i'm looking at a hundred and nineteen dollars to get the same pho ne that only cost me fifty the first time around.
on the upside... j got his itinerary confirmed!! he'll be arriving here on december first!!!
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
oh-eight oh-seven oh-seven
right.. so where to start today..
i spent a lot of time on the phone today.. my first phone call being at some point just before ten in the morning... waking me up out of a sound sleep. and luckily for all parties involved, the caller was j.. who happens to be the only person that can wake me up without me snapping his head off. it's just amazing how my irritated grimace can turn into a soppy grin when i hear his voice.
but phone calls, yes... my sister - we talked about the home schooling curriculums that she's bought for two of three kids thusfar... and about getting my help in organizing things with her to launch their next school year off without a hitch. she's asked me to help in the teaching part... which i will gladly do when i can be there to do so. and we got to talking about all the possible field trips there could be to take the kids on.
phone call from my mom - we talked about field trip ideas and childsupport.. and finally something near and dear to her heart to go on about... me. she wants to see me taking college courses, even if it's just one course at a time. i'm open to the idea now.. i really do need to further my education.. and while i'm not sure what i would go for a bachelors degree in, even an associates degree would be a step up from where i am now. mom wants me to think strongly about going in to teaching.. which is where the conversations on field trips headed. in light of my son's disabilities, she thinks i would make an excellent teacher for challenged children. i think she's probably right about that... though i'm not certain teaching is the way i want to go with something like that. still.. it's an option, and something to set starting goals to.
phone call from my babysitter - we talked about the court hearing yesterday in the custody hearing of her youngest son by her no-good, not-fit-to-raise-a-child (soon to be ex) husband... and the description of her ex is not mine... it's actually from his father.. which says a lot. we also got cleared up on when the twins would be coming back to her for watching. all good, i'd say.
then there was the call -to- the twins. i called them just to hear their voices... the little diva can go on and on and on about nothing in particular, just chattering happily away, whereas the turtleboy usually has very little to say on the phone at all. it was still lovely to talk to them, though.. and i talked to my ex afterward to get a few things straightened up with him.. like where and when to meet me for the changing-of-the-twins, and that he's supposed to remember to bring a universal remote for my tv.. and the new hamster cage for happy.. with new food, to boot. all in all, a good conversation.
now... i've managed to push eating again.. been slipping on that a lot lately, while assuring people i haven't been starving myself.... which is exactly what i had been doing. eating just gets to be so much of an effort, and i don't guess i'll ever get completely over my issues with it. but for now, since all i was doing was nibbling on stuff here and there, not really eating anything, i'm pushing myself to eating something four or five times a day... not anything huge, mind.. because my tummy just doesn't seem capable of dealing with a full, heavy meal at this point... and since what i'd been nibbling on was crap food (like chocolate and dessert sweets, and snack foods), i've been forcing the four or five grazing periods to be with fresh produce (mostly fruit), cottage cheese, and half a bagel. (no, i really can't eat a whole one. i end up with a tummy ache.) healthy stuff, right? And i'm eating. The biggest problem i'm having with it is getting enough protein in... i'm really not wanting to eat any meats, but i know i need the protein.. so for now, until i can squeeze meats back into my diet in any volume, i'm drinking a nutritional drink that has thirty percent of the recommended daily intake of protiens included in it's nummy vanilla flavor. not the best i could be doing.. but better than cutting meat completely out of my diet. i'll get back to something approaching regular again.. it goes in phases, it seems.. or something like that. With effort and perseverance, i'll get back to something more normal.
in the mean time, maybe i'll lose some weight
i spent a lot of time on the phone today.. my first phone call being at some point just before ten in the morning... waking me up out of a sound sleep. and luckily for all parties involved, the caller was j.. who happens to be the only person that can wake me up without me snapping his head off. it's just amazing how my irritated grimace can turn into a soppy grin when i hear his voice.
but phone calls, yes... my sister - we talked about the home schooling curriculums that she's bought for two of three kids thusfar... and about getting my help in organizing things with her to launch their next school year off without a hitch. she's asked me to help in the teaching part... which i will gladly do when i can be there to do so. and we got to talking about all the possible field trips there could be to take the kids on.
phone call from my mom - we talked about field trip ideas and childsupport.. and finally something near and dear to her heart to go on about... me. she wants to see me taking college courses, even if it's just one course at a time. i'm open to the idea now.. i really do need to further my education.. and while i'm not sure what i would go for a bachelors degree in, even an associates degree would be a step up from where i am now. mom wants me to think strongly about going in to teaching.. which is where the conversations on field trips headed. in light of my son's disabilities, she thinks i would make an excellent teacher for challenged children. i think she's probably right about that... though i'm not certain teaching is the way i want to go with something like that. still.. it's an option, and something to set starting goals to.
phone call from my babysitter - we talked about the court hearing yesterday in the custody hearing of her youngest son by her no-good, not-fit-to-raise-a-child (soon to be ex) husband... and the description of her ex is not mine... it's actually from his father.. which says a lot. we also got cleared up on when the twins would be coming back to her for watching. all good, i'd say.
then there was the call -to- the twins. i called them just to hear their voices... the little diva can go on and on and on about nothing in particular, just chattering happily away, whereas the turtleboy usually has very little to say on the phone at all. it was still lovely to talk to them, though.. and i talked to my ex afterward to get a few things straightened up with him.. like where and when to meet me for the changing-of-the-twins, and that he's supposed to remember to bring a universal remote for my tv.. and the new hamster cage for happy.. with new food, to boot. all in all, a good conversation.
now... i've managed to push eating again.. been slipping on that a lot lately, while assuring people i haven't been starving myself.... which is exactly what i had been doing. eating just gets to be so much of an effort, and i don't guess i'll ever get completely over my issues with it. but for now, since all i was doing was nibbling on stuff here and there, not really eating anything, i'm pushing myself to eating something four or five times a day... not anything huge, mind.. because my tummy just doesn't seem capable of dealing with a full, heavy meal at this point... and since what i'd been nibbling on was crap food (like chocolate and dessert sweets, and snack foods), i've been forcing the four or five grazing periods to be with fresh produce (mostly fruit), cottage cheese, and half a bagel. (no, i really can't eat a whole one. i end up with a tummy ache.) healthy stuff, right? And i'm eating. The biggest problem i'm having with it is getting enough protein in... i'm really not wanting to eat any meats, but i know i need the protein.. so for now, until i can squeeze meats back into my diet in any volume, i'm drinking a nutritional drink that has thirty percent of the recommended daily intake of protiens included in it's nummy vanilla flavor. not the best i could be doing.. but better than cutting meat completely out of my diet. i'll get back to something approaching regular again.. it goes in phases, it seems.. or something like that. With effort and perseverance, i'll get back to something more normal.
in the mean time, maybe i'll lose some weight
Sunday, July 29, 2007
oh-seven twenty-nine oh-seven
the headache i had on wednesday and thursday let up on friday. thank goodness for that... it was horrible. i think i'm going to take the pharmacist's advice and see my doctor for maxitol or imitrex for migraines. as far as migraines go, this was a mild one.. for which i'm thankful. but i really can't take days off for headaches any more. they affect my pay terribly.
on friday, i bought a copy of harry potter and the deathly hallows. i am incapable of sitting still long enough to get a whole lot read in one sitting.. so i've been flitting between rooms and the computer between half-hours of pouring over the book. two days, and i'm just barely over halfway though it, though.. and it's just gotten to the snag-you-and-suck-you-in part. i hate to walk away from it.. but.. i just can't stay still.
i sent off mail this week to j and his sister.. i like doing that. sending something tangible. next things to be mailed off will be photos for my mother, and photo's and left-behind-things of bronwyn and chris.
i got a phone call from my ex last night, because the twins wanted to talk to me... so brenna was given the phone, and she chattered on about all sorts of stuff (the little magpie) with no apparent transition from one thing into the next. then out of nowhere, she says "can you come pick me up tomorrow?" it broke my heart to tell her no, but i just don't have the money to make the trip this weekend. i told her she needed to spend a little more time with her daddy, since he rarely gets to see them. she wasn't pacified by this.. and as we said our good byes, she tried to slip in "i'll see you in the moooorniiiiing" ... i laughed and shook my head, reminding her that i couldn't.. and then she was gone. i could hear her laughing in the background as she dashed back off to play with her cousins.
and it's that time of year again... school supply gathering. i have a rediculously long list to aquire. instead of doing it all myself, though.. i'm graciously letting their dad help fill the list. i just have to remember to call the school in the morning to see when the first day is.... because it would really suck to miss that all important day.
on friday, i bought a copy of harry potter and the deathly hallows. i am incapable of sitting still long enough to get a whole lot read in one sitting.. so i've been flitting between rooms and the computer between half-hours of pouring over the book. two days, and i'm just barely over halfway though it, though.. and it's just gotten to the snag-you-and-suck-you-in part. i hate to walk away from it.. but.. i just can't stay still.
i sent off mail this week to j and his sister.. i like doing that. sending something tangible. next things to be mailed off will be photos for my mother, and photo's and left-behind-things of bronwyn and chris.
i got a phone call from my ex last night, because the twins wanted to talk to me... so brenna was given the phone, and she chattered on about all sorts of stuff (the little magpie) with no apparent transition from one thing into the next. then out of nowhere, she says "can you come pick me up tomorrow?" it broke my heart to tell her no, but i just don't have the money to make the trip this weekend. i told her she needed to spend a little more time with her daddy, since he rarely gets to see them. she wasn't pacified by this.. and as we said our good byes, she tried to slip in "i'll see you in the moooorniiiiing" ... i laughed and shook my head, reminding her that i couldn't.. and then she was gone. i could hear her laughing in the background as she dashed back off to play with her cousins.
and it's that time of year again... school supply gathering. i have a rediculously long list to aquire. instead of doing it all myself, though.. i'm graciously letting their dad help fill the list. i just have to remember to call the school in the morning to see when the first day is.... because it would really suck to miss that all important day.
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